Thank You for Calling ‘The Bible Study Hotline’
If you are the only one who has read the assignment for the fifth meeting in a row; please press 1 for a no-judgement venting session.
If it’s Ruth’s turn to choose the study & she wants to read Revelation again to “look for more symbolism;” please press 2 for an alternative study.
If you were supposed to bring a tray of cookies shaped like tiny Bibles but they currently look like two large stone tablets of commandments; please press 3 for Pinterest fails.
For instructions on how to carve Noah’s Ark out of a wheel of cheese; please press 4.
To find a Bible study group with less complicated snack standards; please press 5.
If you always read the assignment but life got crazy, so you just read the footnotes, explanatory translation notes & cheater helps at the back of the book (just this one time you swear); please press 6.
For tips on how to pull the conversation away from Sheila’s latest life drama to the current study; please press 7.
If everyone hated the Bible study you chose; please press 8.
If you need a Bible study that has enough “symbolism” to keep Ruth happy but that’s not too energetic or controversial as to drag Sheila down a rabbit hole, & also leaves plenty of time for prayer circle; please press 9.
If you couldn’t hear all the options because you are calling from church & Sunday school just let out; please press 0 to repeat the menu.
Adapted from Julie Vick’s “Thank You for Calling the Book Club Helpline”
Real Simple Magazine – June 2019, pg. 144.